{"id":181,"date":"2026-09-11T15:43:08","date_gmt":"2026-09-11T06:43:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.toranosuke.online\/?p=181"},"modified":"2026-09-11T17:19:41","modified_gmt":"2026-09-11T08:19:41","slug":"the-day-i-finally-showed-my-forehead-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.toranosuke.online\/?p=181","title":{"rendered":"The Day I Finally Showed My Forehead Again"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<ul id=\"block-915e7859-eee1-48ee-8524-f25bcfa5bab5\" class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"#English\">English<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"#Japanese\">Japanese<\/a>(\u65e5\u672c\u8a9e)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" id=\"English\">For almost a year, I had been wearing bangs. Then, for the first time in a long while, I decided to show my forehead again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"731\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/www.toranosuke.online\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/IMG_0813-731x1024.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-186\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.toranosuke.online\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/IMG_0813-731x1024.jpg 731w, https:\/\/www.toranosuke.online\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/IMG_0813-214x300.jpg 214w, https:\/\/www.toranosuke.online\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/IMG_0813-768x1075.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.toranosuke.online\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/IMG_0813-1097x1536.jpg 1097w, https:\/\/www.toranosuke.online\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/IMG_0813.jpg 1202w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 731px) 100vw, 731px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Around spring last year, something really difficult happened to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">An American client contacted me and asked me to paint a portrait of their late son. I felt deeply honored that they had chosen me for such a meaningful piece, so I threw myself into the project.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It was my first commission, and I didn\u2019t really know how the whole process worked. I decided that I would ask for payment after the painting was completed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">At the time, I was commuting by bicycle every day to a cleaning job about an hour away from home, one way. I went even on scorching hot days and during typhoons. I also cleaned several other places along the way, so by the time I got home, I was completely exhausted and had almost no creative energy left.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Still, I somehow managed to sit down and work on the commission.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I only had about an hour a day to draw. On top of that, I was constantly worried about keeping the client waiting. Because I was working traditionally, with materials that were difficult to correct, I made mistake after mistake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In the end, it took me an incredible&nbsp;<strong>eight months<\/strong>&nbsp;to finish the painting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Originally, I was supposed to paint just one face. But through my conversations with the client, the project gradually evolved into a collage of several faces. Naturally, the size of the artwork increased as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The original agreement was for an A4-sized painting for \u00a510,000. Even though the artwork eventually became twice that size, I didn\u2019t increase the price.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I was afraid the client might change their mind, so I chose to push myself beyond my limits instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Throughout those eight months, I continued sending frequent messages and progress updates because I didn\u2019t want the client to feel anxious while waiting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When I finally finished the painting after eight long months, I had become so emotionally attached to it that even I felt reluctant to let it go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I sent the client a message to tell them it was finished, and they were absolutely delighted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The total price, including international shipping, was \u00a515,000\u2014about US$97 at today\u2019s exchange rate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Honestly, for a large traditional artwork, I don\u2019t think that price was worth the time and effort, even for an amateur artist, especially with international shipping included.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But at that moment, I was simply relieved that I had finally finished it. More than anything, I was happy that the client was happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>And then\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Despite being so excited about the finished painting, the client still hadn\u2019t paid me even two months after I completed it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When I first told them the painting was finished, they said their refrigerator and heater had both broken, leaving them with unexpected expenses, and that they would pay me in two weeks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The payment method was PayPal. Since they weren\u2019t familiar with using it, I even explained the entire payment process with screenshots and videos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I thought I had explained it so carefully that there was really no way they could be confused.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So all I could do was wait.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But that \u00a515,000 payment never came.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u00a515,000 isn\u2019t exactly a huge amount of money. In Japan, it\u2019s even slightly less than the monthly National Pension premium. And it wasn\u2019t as though the client hadn\u2019t known the price from the beginning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">First, they promised to pay in two weeks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then it became, \u201cI\u2019ll be able to pay next week.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That happened several times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Eventually, I was exhausted. I became tired of everything and simply couldn\u2019t take it anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I deleted the entire account.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The finished painting was already in my hands, but at that point, I felt there was no reason to keep it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So I tore it into pieces and threw it away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Eight months of work\u2026 gone just like that.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In the end, everything came to such an abrupt and empty conclusion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I don\u2019t mean to praise myself, but I\u2019m a very responsible person by nature. I\u2019m also the kind of person who has a hard time saying no when someone asks me to do something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Even when I\u2019m exhausting myself in the process, I tend to think,&nbsp;<em>I have to see this through to the end.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Looking back, there were several opportunities when I could have simply said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, but I can\u2019t do this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But I missed those opportunities and just kept going.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For those eight months, I had also been putting aside the artwork I actually wanted to create.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">After everything was over, I became almost self-destructive. I kept thinking,&nbsp;<strong>\u201cGive me my time back!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I fell into a very dark state of mind. Looking back, I think I was probably at one of the lowest points I\u2019d ever experienced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A few months later, I started this account over from scratch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There was another complicated part to this story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The client was Black. I\u2019ve always loved Black culture, and, coincidentally, my husband is African.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">After what happened, my feelings became extreme. For a while, I couldn\u2019t even bear to look at Black people outside of my own family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So I ran away into a completely different creative world, looking for somewhere I could feel safe and at peace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Little by little, I began to feel my emotional wounds healing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I needed to step away from something I had loved so much, clear my head, and give myself some distance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And now, somehow, I\u2019ve eventually found my way back to the things I loved before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It took about a year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But I don\u2019t think I\u2019m the same person I was before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">These days, I don\u2019t feel like I belong to any particular genre. My creative world feels much more vague and fluid, like a little insect flying freely from one place to another without worrying about boundaries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And when I think about how that feeling might naturally find its way into my artwork from now on\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>I actually feel excited about it.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"is-style-text-subtitle is-style-text-subtitle--1 wp-block-paragraph\" id=\"Japanese\"><strong>\u4e45\u3057\u3076\u308a\u306b\u304a\u3067\u3053\u3092\u51fa\u3057\u305f\u65e5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u7d041\u5e74\u9593\u305a\u3063\u3068\u524d\u9aea\u3092\u4f5c\u3063\u3066\u3044\u307e\u3057\u305f\u3002\u3067\u3082\u3042\u308b\u65e5\u3001\u4e45\u3057\u3076\u308a\u306b\u304a\u3067\u3053\u3092\u51fa\u3057\u3066\u307f\u308b\u3053\u3068\u306b\u3057\u307e\u3057\u305f\u3002<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"731\" height=\"1024\" src=\"http:\/\/www.toranosuke.online\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/IMG_0813-731x1024.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-186\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.toranosuke.online\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/IMG_0813-731x1024.jpg 731w, https:\/\/www.toranosuke.online\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/IMG_0813-214x300.jpg 214w, https:\/\/www.toranosuke.online\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/IMG_0813-768x1075.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.toranosuke.online\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/IMG_0813-1097x1536.jpg 1097w, https:\/\/www.toranosuke.online\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/IMG_0813.jpg 1202w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 731px) 100vw, 731px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u53bb\u5e74\u306e\u6625\u9803\u3001\u79c1\u306b\u3068\u3063\u3066\u672c\u5f53\u306b\u8f9b\u3044\u3053\u3068\u304c\u3042\u308a\u307e\u3057\u305f\u3002<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u3042\u308b\u30a2\u30e1\u30ea\u30ab\u4eba\u306e\u65b9\u304b\u3089\u3001\u4ea1\u304f\u306a\u3063\u305f\u606f\u5b50\u3055\u3093\u306e\u8096\u50cf\u753b\u3092\u63cf\u3044\u3066\u307b\u3057\u3044\u3068\u4f9d\u983c\u3055\u308c\u305f\u306e\u3067\u3059\u3002\u305d\u3093\u306a\u5927\u5207\u306a\u4f5c\u54c1\u3092\u79c1\u306b\u4efb\u305b\u3066\u304f\u308c\u305f\u3053\u3068\u3092\u3001\u3068\u3066\u3082\u5149\u6804\u306b\u601d\u3044\u307e\u3057\u305f\u3002\u305d\u3053\u3067\u3001\u5fc5\u6b7b\u306b\u306a\u3063\u3066\u5236\u4f5c\u306b\u53d6\u308a\u639b\u304b\u308a\u307e\u3057\u305f\u3002<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u305d\u308c\u304c\u79c1\u306b\u3068\u3063\u3066\u521d\u3081\u3066\u306e\u30b3\u30df\u30c3\u30b7\u30e7\u30f3\u3067\u3057\u305f\u3002\u5236\u4f5c\u306e\u9032\u3081\u65b9\u3082\u3088\u304f\u308f\u304b\u3089\u306a\u304b\u3063\u305f\u305f\u3081\u3001\u5b8c\u6210\u3057\u3066\u304b\u3089\u6599\u91d1\u3092\u8acb\u6c42\u3059\u308b\u3053\u3068\u306b\u3057\u307e\u3057\u305f\u3002<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u5f53\u6642\u3001\u79c1\u306f\u6bce\u65e5\u3001\u81ea\u5b85\u304b\u3089\u7247\u90531\u6642\u9593\u307b\u3069\u304b\u304b\u308b\u5834\u6240\u307e\u3067\u81ea\u8ee2\u8eca\u3067\u6e05\u6383\u306e\u4ed5\u4e8b\u306b\u901a\u3063\u3066\u3044\u307e\u3057\u305f\u3002\u708e\u5929\u4e0b\u306e\u65e5\u3082\u3001\u53f0\u98a8\u306e\u65e5\u3082\u901a\u3044\u307e\u3057\u305f\u3002\u9014\u4e2d\u3067\u4ed6\u306e\u5e97\u8217\u306e\u6e05\u6383\u306b\u3082\u56de\u3063\u3066\u3044\u305f\u306e\u3067\u3001\u5e30\u5b85\u3059\u308b\u9803\u306b\u306f\u3059\u3063\u304b\u308a\u75b2\u308c\u679c\u3066\u3001\u5275\u4f5c\u306b\u4f7f\u3048\u308b\u30a8\u30cd\u30eb\u30ae\u30fc\u306f\u307b\u3068\u3093\u3069\u6b8b\u3063\u3066\u3044\u307e\u305b\u3093\u3067\u3057\u305f\u3002<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u305d\u308c\u3067\u3082\u3001\u306a\u3093\u3068\u304b\u4f9d\u983c\u306e\u7d75\u3068\u5411\u304d\u5408\u3063\u3066\u3044\u307e\u3057\u305f\u3002<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">1\u65e5\u306b\u63cf\u3051\u308b\u6642\u9593\u306f\u3001\u305f\u3063\u305f1\u6642\u9593\u307b\u3069\u3002\u3057\u304b\u3082\u3001\u304a\u5ba2\u3055\u3093\u3092\u9577\u304f\u5f85\u305f\u305b\u3066\u306f\u3044\u3051\u306a\u3044\u3068\u3044\u3046\u7126\u308a\u3082\u3042\u308a\u307e\u3057\u305f\u3002\u4fee\u6b63\u306e\u96e3\u3057\u3044\u30a2\u30ca\u30ed\u30b0\u4f5c\u54c1\u3060\u3063\u305f\u305f\u3081\u3001\u4f55\u5ea6\u3082\u5931\u6557\u3092\u7e70\u308a\u8fd4\u3057\u3066\u3057\u307e\u3044\u307e\u3057\u305f\u3002<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u7d50\u5c40\u3001\u305d\u306e\u7d75\u3092\u5b8c\u6210\u3055\u305b\u308b\u306e\u306b\u3001\u306a\u3093\u3068<strong>8\u30f6\u6708<\/strong>\u3082\u304b\u304b\u308a\u307e\u3057\u305f\u3002<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u6700\u521d\u306f\u3001\u9854\u30921\u3064\u63cf\u3051\u3070\u3088\u3044\u3068\u3044\u3046\u4f9d\u983c\u3067\u3057\u305f\u3002\u3067\u3082\u3001\u304a\u5ba2\u3055\u3093\u3068\u306e\u3084\u308a\u3068\u308a\u306e\u4e2d\u3067\u3001\u6b21\u7b2c\u306b\u8907\u6570\u306e\u9854\u3092\u30b3\u30e9\u30fc\u30b8\u30e5\u306b\u3059\u308b\u4f5c\u54c1\u3078\u3068\u5909\u308f\u3063\u3066\u3044\u304d\u307e\u3057\u305f\u3002\u5f53\u7136\u3001\u4f5c\u54c1\u306e\u30b5\u30a4\u30ba\u3082\u5927\u304d\u304f\u306a\u308a\u307e\u3057\u305f\u3002<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u5f53\u521d\u306f\u3001A4\u30b5\u30a4\u30ba\u306710,000\u5186\u3068\u3044\u3046\u7d04\u675f\u3067\u3057\u305f\u3002\u6700\u7d42\u7684\u306b\u30b5\u30a4\u30ba\u304c2\u500d\u306b\u306a\u3063\u305f\u306b\u3082\u304b\u304b\u308f\u3089\u305a\u3001\u79c1\u306f\u6599\u91d1\u3092\u4e0a\u3052\u307e\u305b\u3093\u3067\u3057\u305f\u3002<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p 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